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11月25日

TRUE

you greet me in the morning

yet your miles from where i lay

your not the sun shining through my window

but you make my skies seem grey

broken hearts and dirty windows

make life difficult to see

thats why last night and this morning

allways look the same to me

how could i of ever left you there

your love's a thorn in my side

and stings through all my days

i couldn't hide it if i tried

you deffinitly got the taste

which tastes my tastes right

but now is just a bitter memmory

i taste trying to sleep at night

they say time heals all wounds

at least that's what they say

but they should be giving dirrections

so we all can find our way

a way to sleep at night

and taste memmories anew

and guide us through the twists and turns

of the love we though was true

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6月6日

SHUT THE DOOR!

OH I AWAKE AT NIGHT

MY SHEETS ARE SOAKING WET

MY HEART IS BEATING FAST

AND THUS THE STAGE IS SET

SO NOW I TAKE MY PLACE

IN THIS SPOTLIGHT

OF CROWDED LONLINESS

AS I LOSE MY SIGHT

TO SEE THE PART OF ME

WHOS THOUGHTS ARE NORMAL

BUT WHAT IS NORMAL

WHEN THERES NO MORALS

AND SO I SHUT THE DOOR

TO LEAVE YOU STANDING THERE

BUT CAN I KEEP IT SHUT

WHEN YOU ARE EVERYWHERE

I HEAR THE DOOR KICK IN

BUT IT WAS DONE BY ME

OLD MEMORIES POURING IN

WHY DID I LET THEM FREE

THEIR ROOTING THROUGH MY MIND

AND GOIN THROUGH ITS DRAWRS

I CANT GET RID OF YOU

THOUGH YOUR NOT HERE NO MORE

I GATHER ALL YOUR STUFF

PLUS PICTURES GAVE TO ME

COLLECTING ALL OF YOU

THROUGH MEMORIES THAT I SEE

AND SO I SHUT THE DOOR

THE ONE INSIDE MY HOME

THERES ONLY CLOTHES LEFT

AND JUST THIS STUPID PHONE

I TURN TO WALK AWAY

I TURN RIGHT BACK AROUND

IM DIVING FOR THE PHONE

AS WE FALL TO THE GROUND

I PICK US UP AND DIAL

NOW ONCE AGAIN YOU'LL SEE

I DONT THINK RATIONAL

LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME

AND THEN I HEAR YOUR VOICE

BUT ITS JUST YOUR MACHINE

ITS ALL I HAVE LEFT TILL

I CAN THINK RATIONALLY

J.F June 06

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4月18日

some might say

theres darkness in this soul

which most people may never know

although i feel ive turned by back

it follows me as i go

it creeps along the base of my spine

and lingers deep inside this mind

although im so friendly with a heart of gold

youd never think it because im so kind

in which the days that ive spent down

changed the way i viewed each day

untill my silence defened

leaving you there with nothing to say

some might say time heals all wounds

i might say these wounds never heal

and that its beter to have loved and lost then never at all

i still think there wrong i guess its just how i feel

2月27日

passing time

i will wait untill the days end

to lay down my thoughts of you.......

theres no one here but me

just memories of what i knew

its all i have left to hold

secretly since i walked away.......

and suttle traces of perfume you left

on the pillow where your head layed

it rains as i walk aimlessly down the street

im soaked and i have no destination.....

the rain seems to care as it hides my tears

my hearts like a elephant i cant forget, so i weep

i awake at night with just a pillow in my arms

eyes closed again smelling the perfume you had on...

pathetcally trying to clear my mind of the present

if for a second to pretend your not gone

why do i still care, when i must move on

why must i stay, where i dont belong...

consequence never had anytime to think about

which of us was really ever right all along

kicking along im just singing a song

the words as they meet simple yet sweet

feeling so different i dont miss you at all

smiling and nodding to the people i meet.

2月26日

I wana

i wana lose control

when im out for a walk...

people in love holdings hands

unaware of how they mock

me, and what used to be.

i wana close my blinds

when sitting at home...

i dont want to be reached

so i unplug my phone

i just want to be left alone.

i wana forget to feel

when im thinking of you...

i think i need a brain wash

to wash away these feelings for you

a methaphoric load of wash or two.

1月24日

just wanted 2 run and run

im having trouble trying 2 think...

your voice is laughing from inside...

i need 2 focus..

why should i try..

my mind feels like its on vactaion...

from who i am..

and where i should be..

when do i get back...

i sit and stare at my wall

cant remeber what i was supposed 2 do..

why cant i get myself on track..

when will i be back..

false hopes that cross my mind..

giving momentary solutions...

for the things i dont even know thats wrong...

need a lift 2 happy hour..

trying times,i hope they will not last

cant seem 2 escape this ..

so fuck me fuck this and fuck you

i dont want 2 be me ,im dead 2 you..

all these years gone.24 hours

2 tie up loose ends and make amends

her eyes said it all..i started to fall

and the silence defened..

i just wanted 2 run and run

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1月22日

well 2day has been quite the long day..all kinds of cleaning and cooking and this and that 2 do...my moms still in the hospital,such a drag..things have been shitty last couple of days with some recent exceptions i wont say as of here..i was supposed 2 call mary beth 2day but i really didnt feel like it..it was such a long day 2day and i think i got the flu again from spending so much time at the hospital..o well..ive got a fairly long day ahead of me 2mmorow i am truely not looking 4wartd 2 it ..but in my recent news and grievences i have so much 2 look 4ward 2 in the next month..im finally getting away from here for a long time..thought i met someone who would make me think otherwise but thats gone out the windpow but i have new plans and new goals now and i shant let them wait any more...

this is all for now cheers

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1月20日

come on closer

want 2 show ya

what id like 2 do...

you sit back now

just relax now

i'll take care of it...

how temptation

sweet temptation

infiltrated through..

sweet temptation

how temptation

coming over you...

gonna take it slow babe

keep your eyes on me

your reaction..

2 my actions

is what i want

to see..

and now your satisfied

twinkle in your eye

go 2 sleep for 10...

anticipating

i will be waiting

for you to wake again...

jem

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1月18日

never what i want them 2 be

i feel anticapation

and its agravating..

for this feeling

dont know what 2 make of it..

im contemplating

my evaluation...

cant relate to it

can never understand it...

personable debating

my frustrations...

who i am

and how much more can i take of this...

my interpretation is

getting lost in translation..

i hear the voices

but i cant make out what there saying..

its exasperating..

trying 2 explain this..

it seems like things are

never what i want them 2 be...

12月28日

KA...MAY...A...MAY...A...MAY...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WELL ITS BEEN A REALLY DIFFERENT LAST COUPLE OF DAYS..BEEN GREAT AND ITS BEEN SHIT..GUESS ILL TAKE THE GOOD WITH THE BAD...SO I COMPLETELY 4GOT ABOUT MY SHORT STORY AND PLAN ON SPENDING MORE TIME ON IT..CUZ TRUST ME I WILL HAVE SOME...

I WAS HOPING THIS FELLOW WOULD LOSE HIS JOB 4 STEALING MY MONEY AT WORK BUT I GUESS IT WAS NOT IN THERE GAME PLAN ..I GUESS ITS TIME 2 TAKE MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS ONCE AGAIN..SUCKS 2 BE YOU PAL...BUT THANK YOU VERY MUCH FRANK CASTLE....

IN RECENT NEWS I HAVE GOT A KITTY FOR MY SISTER AND SHE HAS NAMED IT LUNA ..BUT I CALL IT LAMP WHEN SHE IS NOT AROUND..HEHE..I LOVE LAMP..CATCHY...

I WISH I COULD DO AN INSTANT TRANSLOCATION AND APPEAR RIGHT BEHIND BUDDY AND LET GO A KAMAYAMAYAHHH ON HIM AN COMPLETELY DISINTIGRATE HIM INTO LIL PEICES THE WAY GOHAN DID 2 CELL..ID EVEN DO IT ONE ARMED IF I COULD JUST LIKE THE SHOW..BUT THEN AGAIN GOHAN CANT DO INSTANT TRANSLOCATION..ONLY GOKU CAN...

THIS GUY HAS DEFFINITLY TOYED WITH MY PRIDE AND THE GREAT PRINCE VEGETA WILL SIMPLY NOT STAND 4 THIS....AS IN VEGETA I MEAN ME...PRIDE IS SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT UNLESS IT HAS 2 DO WITH LOVE THEN IT HAS NO REAL FACE VALUE..but this is NOT LOVE IT IS LOATHING AND PURE HATRED 4 SOMEONE WHO I ONCE CALLED MY FRIEND AND HE WILL SUFFER 4 WHAT HE HAS DONE AND I PLAN ON MY REVENG SO 10 FOLD 2 THE MOCKERY HE HAS BEFORE ME...HE WILL NEVER FORGET IT WHEN I AM FINISHED...HAHAHAHAHA HA

NOW PEOPLE IF YOU WERE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE 4 10 YEARS AND THEY STOLE MONEY ON YOU AND LIED 2 YOUR FACE ABOUT IT AT WORK AND THEN HEARD DIFFERENT FROM ANOTHER FRIEND WHAT WOULD YOU DO..MY PLACE OF WORK DIDNT SEEM IT NESSESARY 2 FIRE THE FELLOW SO I POLITLEY TOLD THEM 2 GO FUCK THEMSEVES AND TOLD HIM IT BE IN MY BEST INTEREST AND THIS FELLOWS IF I QUT THEN BC IT IS NOT GOING 2 BE GOOD FOR HIM WHEN I SEE HIM NEXT..

NOT THAT IM A VIOLENT PERSON..NOT AT ALL..I ALLWAYS TRY 2 DO THE RIGHT THING AND GO OUT OF MY WAY 2 MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY AND I HAVE SUCH A STRONG CONCIOUS THAT I COULDNT EVEN FATHOM DOING WHAT HE DID 2 ANYONE SPECIALLY 2 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS...O WELL ITS NO LONGER MY CONCERN ONLY HIS..AND BC OF THIS HE SHOULD BE WEARY...

TUNE IN NEXT TIME..SAME BAT TIME

SAME BAT CHANNEL....

10月24日

this dream is fading.....

well i dont know what 2 say now...im heart broken with a heart i longed 2 have healed..

i miss my old friends ..not that i dont like my new ones..just miss the way things were..

i miss my cat..i miss everything that i took 4 granted..its my fault though..i had brought it 2 this..

its ok though..i lied when i said i wasnt over you though...i ma but now ive changed not nessesarily for the good or 4 the bad..

ive gained 30 pounds since i came home..built some musscle..become more evil...and now less and less of the person i used to be...i said goodbye 2 him that day and never looked back...this is who ive become...

one more prayer 2 keep me safe...one more keep me safe...

theres got 2 be a better place..

one more pill 2 kill the pain...

save me..

the pain...the anger...the pressure..

when giving up seems so damn comforting..

and so i go on with my life..

i speak the truth

no more sheltered lies..

lies r simple

simple is bliss

why go against myself when i can..

live in defeat..

live in decline

be the victim of my own disign

the way i felt

is now regret..

i will never again stick out my neck..

fello memebers ... of my heart..

shes got hers...

now ive got mine..

this is my decline

10月23日

killing me

your a let down...

i had you figured all wrong..

thought you were speciall..

wish it wouldnt of taken so long...

you deserve an emmy..

you certainly played the part..

you even got embarassed..

when i snuck up on ya and heard you fart...

something wasnt right..

i can feel it again..

sad excuses and false hopes high...

i saw this coming though i dont know why...

so dont you dare say anything at all..

your words dont help ,so please dont cry....

did we ever have an understanding...

did we ever have anything at all...

you were never really there 4 me ...

not that i recall...

i tried 2 be perfect...

but look where it got me..

i believed everything you said...

now i abuse myself..and its the only thing i have...wont someone set me free

i wanted 2 be the one to make you smile...

now i just want 2 go out and take revenge...

its making me evil...cuz its not the first time..

and will probally be the last though..

ive given up on who i used 2 be...

i stand alone now in a darker stronger image of myself..

etternity of broken hearts and prommises ...

im turning my back now on the bright side....

who am i?

ewwwwwwwwwww dont touch it!

well i blew yesterday and 2day

supposed 2 go 2 a good friend of mines daughters bday party never made it cuz i missed my ride and the last bus out of town..

then i was supposed 2 go 2 the movies with this really nice girl named meg and i got me some syrup 4 my cold and some contact c and went 2 bed at 3:00 something just woke up like a hour ago..

not good..i feel really shitty but i feel even worse about the party and movie..

not a good way 2 start off something....

anyways going 2 have some more syrup and try 2 go 2 sleep so i dont screw up my sleeping schedule 4 work...

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10月16日

LOL TILL I FALL OVER AND NEED STITCHES

WELL ITS BEEN A GOOD DAY AND SLEPT 4 MOST OF IT.LOL..

I CANT WAIT 4 WORK 2 MOOROW ODDLY ENOUGH

MAN IM SO BITTER ABOUT THE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS BUT THINGS WILL GET BETTER IM SURE OF IT..

NEED 2 GET SOME MONIES SAVED UP AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE I THINK..GO OUT WEST WITH MY BUDDY ADAM OR EVEN MOVE BACK 2 HALIFAX 4 A BIT..WHO KNOWS..

I NEED A CHANGE OF SCENERY ALLREADY IT CERTAINLY SUCKS HERE

HARD 2 FIND A NICE GIRL..WELL I MET A COUPLE ..BUT WHO KNOWS I HAVE STOPPED THINKING BOUT THAT 4 NOW CUZ WISHFULL THINKING IS 4 THE BIRDS...

ODDLY ENOUGH I BELIEVE I WILL MEET THE RIGHT PERSON..BUT IM SURE IT DOESNT MATTER REALLY ANYMORE CUZ I DONT KNOW IF MY HEART IS REALLY READY 4 THAT JUST YET..I THINK IMA WORK ON BEING HAPPY AND HAVING FUN 4 A LIL WHILE STILL BECAUSE DONT WANT 2 BE HURT ANYTIME SOON..DAMN U HEART JUST LIKE A ELEPHANT..YOU NEVER 4GET THE GOOD AND THE BAD..o well enough ranting

people gonna think im crazy lol...oh well i am a little

10月9日

what a day

well its not nice out but i hope it rains cuz its so romantic and it takes me back it does

10月7日

my decline

when i cant understand

all the thoughts leak from my head

i hear there vioces

but i cant make out there words

i hearing things

im hearing things

got something sticking in my heart..

where did all the good people go..

2 lesser human beings

zero fellings

blame it on

human natuer

mass detiny

the fear of change

the fear of truth

jesus what i have i done

down by th creek

where we met

take this knife out please...

u sure do love your fun

your drinks and staying out late

carriculums been set

but it dont bother me

i wish i had a shilling

for every worthless feeling

id buy the goverment...

its hard hard 2 enjoy yourself while bleeding oit your heart.dont think

drink some wine

watch the fire burn

your problems r now mine

now my hearts for sale

and u can get a good deal on it

and make a healthy profit..

or maybe tear it apart.

start with with assumtions

seritone is gone

it gave up

drifted away

feelings no one will ever hear..

now that seritone is gone..

the way she used 2 speak

to fort a cute rutine .feel alittle patranized

dont feel bad about the thoughts inside your head and if youve been misled..

doesnt mean they dont care..just the way they show

just like a reallity show...

come and teach me life

and teacj my heart2 sing

one more pill 2 kill the pain

one more 2 kill the pain

living in uncertanty

one more prayer to keep me safe

loss of will ..loss of warmth

loss of things worth living for..

loss the will 2 win the fight..

1 more pill 2 kill the pain..na na naanna na na na nanna na

watch out kids wait for the sin

a lil faith can keep us sane.

save us ....

astronomiacally against us..

only when we let it...

well fight the lossing battle

against your super ego..

when giving in seems so damn comforting..

and so i go on with my life..

i know the truth

but breed with lies

lies r simple

simple is bliss

why go against tradition when i can

admit defeat

live in decline..

be the victom..of my own design

the staus Quo

built on respect...

why i ever stick out my neck

fello msn members

club we got ours

now id like 2 introduce u 2 our host..

youve got yours

and ive got mine.

meet my decline...........

swing swing

swiftly come and go

im dreaming of her

shes seeing other guys

emotions astir

the sun is gone

the nights are long

and i am left while the tears fall

dyou think i would cry on the phone..

dyou know how it feels like ..being alone..

ill find someone newwww.

swing swing

from the tangles of my heart..\

is crushed by a former love

can u help..me..find..

a way 2 carry on again

casting 2 the sky

im moving on

sweet beginings 2 arrise

she knows i was wrong

the notes r old

they bend and fold

2 a new love

swing swing from the tangles

of my heart

is crushed by a former love

can u help me please find a way 2 carry on again?

swing swing

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10月6日

MY LOVE 4 HER WILL DIE

SIT BACK WATCH her CRUMBLE

C THE love DROWNING WATCH THEour love FALL

I FEEL JUST TERIBLE ABOUT IT

THATS SARCASIM

LET ER BURN

GONNA MAKE A TOAST WHEN SHE FALLS APART..

GONNA RAISE MY GLASS ABOVE MY HEART..

THEN MY FRIENDS SHOUT..THATS WHAT SHE GETS..

FOR ALL THE YEARS OF MY HEART GETTING HIT AND RUN..FOR ALL THE SHIT I NEVER DONE

WERE DID ALL HER LOVE 4 ME GO..

DONT WE ALL KNOW

I HOPE SHE DESTROYS HEWRSELF

SHELL NEVER C HOW IT COULD BE

LOVE GREEETED FROM DEVOTION..NOT AMBITION

O HOW IT CHANGED

O HOW OUR LOVE WAS XPLOITED..

NOW IVE GOT NEW TRICKS UP MY SLEEVE

GONNA FIGHT AGAINST THE LOVE I FEEL

GONA KILL THE SAPPY SHIT I FEEL

MAKE LOVE 2 ANYONE WHOS WILLING 2 FEEL

AND MY LOVE FOR HER WILL SLOWLY DIE

AND I DO BELIEVE ILL NEVER CRY

IM JUST GLAD SOMEDAY SHELL FALL

PREHISTORIC LOVE IS NEWS 2 ME

DISTINTION NEVER FELT SO GOOD

WHATEVER HAPPENED THE LOVE WE MADE

WHATEVER HAPPENED 2 THE PLANS WE MADE

WHAT HAPPENED 2 OUR FAMILY..

ITS STILL THERE

IT ALLWAYS WAS ..

A MILLION REASONS WHY

MY LOVE 4 HER WILL DIE...

MY LOVE 4 HER WILL DIE

ALLL... ALLLLLLL..... ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

MY LOVE 4 HER WILL DIE

10月1日

SICK

OOOOOOOOOOOOO POOP IM SICK AND TIRED. IN A SICK WWAY NOT FRUSRATED..DAMN COLD..WHO INVITED U ANYWAYS..DIDNT C YOUR NAME ONTHE LIST...WELLMY MIATA IS COMING NICELY ITS LOOKING LIKE A MEAN HOT WHEELS CAR FROM A INSANE ACID TRIP....LOVE MY UNDERGROUND..O FRIUTY LOOPS WHEN WILL I FIND U ..I HATEBTHE DEMOS U CANT DO POOP WITH THEM HAVE SO MANY IDEAS FOR SONGS AND AN STARTING 2 LOOSE PATIENCE....I DOWHAT I GOT DO DONT CARE WHAT NO ONE THINKS. do you know what... do you know where...put the u know what ...in the u know where.pronto..

ill give ya money if u get me no sick no mores. nice gramma on me..lol

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